Change is inevitable, yet, we fear change. My husband got a job in IFC so we decided to move to the US. It was a big task for three of us to move to a new place, and we went through it like many of us do.

My husband and I took the change as it came and started planning things. The two of us were excited about the change as it meant new opportunities for us as well as our son. Lists were made of what to take and when and what things to do. There was a hustle and bustle of packing and bidding good-bye to families and friends; and at the same it we were busy winding up our jobs which had its own set of demands.

While we the adults were busy with what we called change; like packing things and bidding goodbyes we forgot what change would mean to our seven year old son. We thought he would look forward to his US visit like the one he had taken earlier during his Disney trip. As the day of departure drew near, my son a hyperactive kid became very quiet and very passive. We thought he was helping us by being good and we were happy about it.

On the day we were to leave, he cried for hours hugging his grandparents which came as shock for all of us. Then it dawned on us that change meant something different to our son. For him it was not just the physical change but there was a more far-reaching aspect to the whole thing, which was also emotional.

Living in a joint family with his grand parents, great grand mother, cousins, aunts and uncles was a life he had been accustomed to. He had every desire fulfilled as he was the youngest in the family and was showered with a lot of love and support from all extended members of the family. For him, leaving that support and love was the most difficult part of the change, something we had not even considered.

Later, during the flight to our new home, I asked him why he had cried for several hours; he told me it was very difficult to for him to leave his family, especially his great grand mother who was 85 and his pets behind.

He was also sad as he felt insecure about the new place. He suddenly felt he had lost everything in life like his home, his friends, his family, safety and comfort. When we arrived we thought he would be fine after he got over the jet lag, but his emotional struggle continued.

When we moved to our new house which we were excited about we felt he would be excited as well. So I asked my son about it and he told me “I feel we have become poor Mama.” Hearing such a remark I asked why and he said we no longer have our home – as we now have to rent a place to live in, nor do we have our whole family and not even a driver!

He was apprehensive making new friends as he felt his accent was different and he felt the other kids couldn’t understand his English. Due to the media coverage of the Virginia Tech shooting, he had developed a fear that this kind of thing was an everyday occurrence in the academic institutions and was scared to go to school as well. He feared being lost all the time so clung to us everywhere from supermarkets to public toilets.

The new opportunity which we embarked on was mainly undertaken so that our son could have a better life and a brighter future. But during the change process we were so focused on ourselves that we did not take notice of all the changes our son was going through. The saddest part of the whole story is even when we realized that he was suffering we just ignored it and told ourselves that he would get over it as he went through the process of adjusting. This was not true as he needed a lot of support from both my husband and me to deal with all the emotional changes.

So it was a big, big change for a seven year old. Now, slowly he has begun to like his new home and he loves school probably because he is doing well there. He has made new friends and learned new slang and has been accepted as part of the “clique”.

Change affects all of us, even a seven year old…

Now, when we look back we feel we should have better prepared our son for the change by talking and motivating him about the things he could look forward to and making him understand what change was all about. Most importantly we should have made him a part of the change. We should not have lost focus of the fact that even kids have many emotional attachments.

Sandipa Thapa Basnyat