My daughter will be entering college in the fall, yet I am the one who is worried. She will be taking new subjects, yet I am the one who is wary. She will be staying in a dorm with new people, yet I am the one who is stressed. She will be facing new professors, yet I am the one who is apprehensive. Having been her guiding force for eighteen long years now, I find it really hard to let go. I want the best for her, but I am eager to find it close to home. The colleges that seemed appealing when she applied now seem too far away. The hard truth is, my daughter is all set to enter college, but I am not ready to let her go.

As the admission process gained momentum and the countdown to the first day of college began, my mind was assailed with a million questions…

I had always thought of myself as a very balanced and rational person, but here I was thinking of the most irrational things…what if she feels homesick and wants to come back? What if she is not able to adapt to her roommate? What if she doesn’t make friends? What if she succumbs to peer pressure? What about date rapes, drinking, and drugs? What if her professors don’t like her? What if she fails miserably? A billion ‘what if’s’ kept popping up in my mind in a never-ending sequence. With my heart thumping and my mind racing, I realized that I had to put an end to this emotional madness and think of the best possible way to handle the situation—one that would be productive for my daughter as well as me. After all, she has to go to college. It is inevitable.

Here’s what I discovered after hours of stressing out:

• It does not pay to be anxious. I would not be able to achieve anything productive being worried. Anxiety could lead me to imagine strange situations that may not really happen and could make me vulnerable. Anxiety could lead to my child feeling insecure and doubtful about the invaluable life lessons I have taught her.
• I have to be open-minded and rational. College-bound teens are stressed as much as their parents; it is a transition time for them as well. I have to talk to my daughter and find out her concerns; I have to reassure her that I will be available whenever she needs me. I also have to set reasonable educational goals for her to achieve and social activities she may indulge in. It does make sense to handle the situation calmly and be supportive, instead of being apprehensive and tense.
• It would be a good idea to get in touch with other seniors’ parents, or recently graduated students and find out how they feel about the whole process. I can share my feelings and clarify my doubts however trivial they may seem. Finding out that others have been down that road and have faced promises and setbacks will help me be well equipped to plan for my journey down the same road.
• Just like all mothers, when it comes to advice I have a tendency to go on and on…I will have to keep last minute instructions to the minimum. Too much advice crammed into too short a time will make children tense. Beyond a certain point I don’t think my daughter will even be paying attention to what I am trying to tell her.
• Technology has made the world smaller and has brought people closer; I will make use of this to keep in regular contact. Cell phones and emails, internet and chat, can keep a parent up-to-date with what’s happening at the college and with their offspring. I can discuss with my daughter the pros and cons of keeping in touch and how helpful it will be for both of us.
• I could have taught her to reach for the stars and go that one step ahead that differentiates the high achievers from the mediocres. But, now that she will be all by herself I will have to tell her that along with aiming high she also needs to keep her two feet firmly planted on the ground, since her life now is not merely concentrating on academics, there are a multitude of day-to-day issues that she has to face all by herself.
• Bizarre incidents like what happened at Virginia Tech and Illinois can haunt parents. I have to be reasonable and not allow such incidents to lead to negative thoughts. I have to talk to my daughter about the dangers that lurk and how effectively she can handle them. I have to let her know that she is capable of coping with crisis and solving problems on her own.

The initial mental agitation followed by calm thinking has moved me one step further on the unknown path that lies ahead of me and my daughter. I am willing to hold hands with my daughter initially as she steps on this path, but I am also ready to watch her navigate the unfamiliar curves and bends on her own. I have provided her with skills to ward off dangers that she may face and overcome challenges along the way. All I have to do now is - sit back, relax and wait for that inevitable day when I would give my dear one a teary eyed…send off!

By Vidya Rangan