“I’m a loser, I don’t have a job”, a young childless spouse said to me, exasperated by the last blow her brother dealt her, when he made fun of her at a dreaded cocktail party, where the first question she had to deal with was: “What do you do?” When she hesitatingly replied, “My husband works for the World Bank,” her interlocutor quickly lost interest, and moved to the next young promising lady. We know this scene all too well, a reason why we dread “Networking”. Even though counselors keep stressing that it is a very important way to land a job… And yet, we cannot complain. After all, all former colleagues are seeing the green of envy; our spouse landed a job at the much coveted WB! So, now life must be fine. What is there to complain? 
Seventeen years ago even the word “expatriate” was not in everybody’s vocabulary, let alone an understanding of the challenges the family of the working staff member would have to face. It is in no small means thanks to the writing of Robin Pascoe, a trailing spouse herself, that we all now have a real handbook that gives literally hundreds of tips, warnings and helpful hints for the accompanying family. Robin traveled with her husband, a Canadian Ambassador, to Seoul, Peking, Thailand and many other places in the world where they birthed and raised two children. Robin is someone who speaks her mind easily, and who has an incredibly funny way of putting her frustrations into writing.
The first version of Pascoe’s guide for the expatriate wife appeared in 1992; recently a revised and updated version has been published under the title, “A Broad Abroad.” On the cover, Robin sits in a Dutch “bakfiets” (A transport bike that the yuppie modern Dutch moms use to transport toddlers to daycare, and do grocery shopping on the way back home!) Robin is ready to be transported to her next speaking venue in Amsterdam. It’s the ultimate image of a transportable spouse. What has her book meant to trailing spouses?
Robin is blunt, and has no shame in describing her experiences. Whilst writing the script for a briefing film for Canadian foreign aid workers going overseas, she happens to meet a guy, who was an expert in the field of “Culture shock”. “So,” she asks him, “What is culture shock anyway?” “Culture shock,” he replies, “is when you have the shit scared out of you.” She hesitates for a minute, slightly nonplussed. Then she remembers her own dreadful arrival in Bangkok and her subsequent love affair with the toilet in the early days of their assignment. “You mean….like diarrhea?” she asks. “I mean exactly that” he responds. Later in the chapter she explains in a little less graphic manner, “Culture” is the new way of life to which you are being exposed. “Shock” is your physical and emotional response to that different way of life. She goes on to explain the different stages of culture shock: the honeymoon stage, the crisis stage, the flight stage and finally the period of readjustment. We all are more or less familiar with all these stages; new of course are the help and problems that come with the digital connections we have nowadays at our disposal. She does not shy of naming all the different emotions that come with this process: depression, unhappiness, resentment, fear, loss of identity and privacy, and to top it, the anger at the absent spouse. The kids have their own reactions, and these can be severe, depending on their age and other aspects.
You might now think that this is a book filled with sorrow and serious stuff, but it’s not. In fact, she writes so wittily about her own missteps, that you end up laughing about yourself, remembering your own mishaps, frustrations and misunderstandings upon relocation. Her self-deprecating humor makes you remember with a smile of your own behavior, and between the lines of how you can find myriad tips on what to do, and not to do. It helps you save your marriage, deal with all those seemingly insurmountable tasks like building your own life again from scratch, keeping the children happy, and yes, enjoy your new environment. As a reader said: “This book changed my life!”
Robin Pascoe has a website, , a treasure trove of information! She has written several books on relocation, raising children in a global enivironment and even what to expect when you return to your home country. My advice—go online, and order these jewels, it will help you through your ordeals! Chapters are short and easily written, full with concrete tips.
Robin Pascoe’s books, A Moveable Marriage and Raising Global Nomads are on sale at the WBFN office for all members. The proceeds of the sale will go to the Book Project.
Book Review
by Maaike le Grand