Trailing spouses, who are we? “A husband or wife who follows a marriage partner taking a new job in a different city or country” Is that all? Perhaps not! Seen from the perspective of a trailing spouse, life can be more complex than ever. How do we approach “relocation?” How many among us didn’t wonder at some point in our relocation: Am I only a trailing spouse? Is this all that I will ever amount to? And these days, the movie Julie and Julia provides us with a positive example of how a trailing spouse found ways to grow and become a prevailing spouse.

When we, as a couple, hear of a new job offer, suddenly our life choices become very complicated. What will this new job bring at the end—“happiness” or “sadness”? At first we think about all the benefits. We may feel happy to fulfill dreams of travel and growth; dreams of tasting new cultures, new countries; dreams of making new friends and enjoying lifetime experiences. Maybe this will also be our only chance in life to discover that country and a new job offer is definitely a good reason. Relocation can be full of pleasant surprises, especially if we are lucky to know that every new person, every new experience adds some value to our lives. For sure, everything will be brand new and exciting if we are brave enough to go for it!

At the same time, it might be scary too. At times, being at the other end of the world the world can bring sadness. Is happiness dependent on location or is it easy to leave behind us what we are used to have? Such as the family members always ready to help whatever the problem may be; the friends always ready to share; the streets with sun, rain, dust, or snow; the book stores which have a special spot for us to drink our coffee with the best seller book in our hands written in the language we grew up in; the city or cities which are only a couple of hours away which we never visited but which we hoped to visit soon; and the job with which we were ok most of the time but were thinking of leaving for a better one…In other words, can we leave behind the dream of settling down where we are used to live and where everything is familiar. For sure, it’s not always easy to follow our beloved one whatever the benefits may be for us, for our kids, for our future.

Last November I saw the movie Julie and Julia, a comedy-drama around the theme of mastering the art of French cooking. Woven into this film is the story of Julia Child, the famous American cook, and her experience discovering the art of cooking in Paris in the 1950s. Her husband was a diplomat and this was her first time living in a foreign country as a trailing spouse. Like so many of us when we moved to a new city, Julia Child kept telling herself “I need to do something” and kept searching “What can I do?” She tried different things such as learning bridge, opening a women hat store and then ended up becoming a great cook—an achievement she was not expecting at all! She was happy living in a new country and despite all the difficulties she didn’t give up! A touching scene from the movie features Julia once again overwhelmed with all the things around her and asking her husband Paul: “Where is home?” and his answer was “Home is wherever we are.” Isn’t that very much true? Isn’t happiness all about how we see life? Do we see the half cup of water as half full or half empty? Basically, what I found in this movie is that being positive works all the time and that life can be full of pleasant surprises if we know how to interpret it!

And now, many of you probably have just arrived in a new country and are reading this article in the Mosaic hoping to find something about your new life. Welcome to this new country! Continue to enjoy the life here and always remember that you will find many of the same stories like yours at the World Bank Family Network. Please read through the Mosaic, and you will find a lot of useful information for a brand new life! Keep in mind that rather than limiting yourself to being only a trailing spouse, there are ways for you to become a prevailing spouse. There are many groups for everyone at WBFN; if you want to start a new group we are open to hearing your ideas and helping you develop your talent, experience, curiosity etc. Please share what is on your mind with others. Take this experience as an opportunity to evaluate yourselves and your lives once again. Life continues; just join us to make it better for you and for all of us! One more time welcome.

Asmin Dilek Sen